THE DINNER WAR

Commander,

The Milk-traitors are not nearly as intelligent as they believe, and indeed, their new information retrieval techniques are even easier to evade than the old ones. I personally escaped their attempt to cooerce me into revealing classified information by using the Bendy-Straw tool from my ultra-secret-compact-discreet-dishwasher safe-uber-useful spy kit™. They caught me on their border when I was on my way to speak to the Butter. Luckily, when it comes to security, the Milk-traitors are their own worst enemy.

If I am out of contact for a short period of time, it is because I am attempting to infiltrate the Mashed Potatoes through the Broccoli (better camouflage, you understand...). The Discretion Bureau has outfitted me with the most advanced camouflage gear, which includes a new technology allowing me to change the tint of my stem. I also underwent a surgical procedure to enlarge my spear, making it more florette-like in appearance.

I have received news that a few of the Sweet Potatoes have been convinced to join ranks with the Mashed Potatoes. It appears that their methods of conviction are improving. They are proving to be more bothersome than expected.

Asparagus