THE DINNER WAR

Asparagus,

WERE YOU OR WERE YOU NOT CLEAR ON MY INSTRUCTIONS ABOUT WHAT YOU WERE TO DO IF YOU WERE CAUGHT BY THE ENEMY?

You should be buried six inches deep in a compost heap right now! I should be writing home to your mother right now, telling her how you died valiantly in the service of your Table. Is that what is happening? NO! ARE YOU INCAPABLE OF FOLLOWING THE MOST BASIC OF INSTRUCTIONS? CAPTURE = DEATH!

As I am forced to endure your prolonged presence, I do not need a step by step detailed account of your mission plan. Should the correspondence be intercepted and you be captured - YET AGAIN - it has become apparent that you are incapable of executing the Microwave protocol.

Not only are you a source of potential embarrassment, but you are also a potential opening for the enemy to access vital and sensitive documents.

For the love of Starch, try to be as small of a liability as possible!

Pseudo Commander in Chef