THE DINNER WAR

C.O. Asparagus,

I have been briefed by the Pseudo Commander in Chef on the details of our mission, and have been charged with providing you the details.

First, we must locate the Dinner Guest. In his possession is a package that we must retrieve at all costs. This is a mission in which stealth is of utmost importance. I have had a special green-leaf lettuce jacket made for you, in order to conceal the offensively bright orange tint of your spear. As per usual, if you are intercepted by the enemy, you are ordered to make use of your Microwave tool. It has now been further simplified for your specific use. You are to report to the Discretion Bureau to have the Microwave apparatus implanted into your body at 0600 hours. It will now consist of a single deploy button which will be concealed in your new Broccoli florette. If you have any questions about the procedure, feel free to ask Someone Who Cares.

Once the package is in our possession, we are to immediately assure its delivery to the UN. In case you are unaware, the UN is the United Nutritionists, a very important agency in this time of political unrest.

If at any time you are faced with a decision, do not even think about thinking about it. All decisions that need to be made are to be brought to my attention, regardless of how insignificant they may seem. EVERY SINGLE LITTLE DECISION.

We will meet at 0900 hours, once you have recovered from your implant procedure.

I will find you,

Special Agent Spinach